8 hours

8 hours. That's the time that's left before I do a complete 180. No more will being tired or not having time or any other of my b.s. excuses be acceptable. I have no choice but to do this. To start, and ultimately finish. To be honest, I don't have much of a choice. This is really the start of something a lot bigger. Training for and eventually finishing this is more of a beginning then an end result. This is something that I really do need, and by this I mean the whole process; the first thoughts of a triathlon over thanksgiving weekend, the idea of tracking my progress via this well written and witty blog, me basically crapping out on myself the past month or so, the sleepless nights filled with anxiety and thoughts of failure, to this; almost a second chance of sorts.
A good conversation with an old friend today really made me put things into perspective and make me realize how true the above statement is. It feels funny to me saying that this process is so much more then it is. But in all honesty for me to start figuring out my life and where I am headed in it I need to finish something difficult. I need to, for the first time in roughly 10 years give something 100% for an extended period of time. I need to remember what doing that feels like, and how great it is when you accomplish something knowing the hell you went through to get it done. I think in the beginning I really underplayed how difficult I thought the whole process was gonna be. I am now beginning to realize what kind of shit I am really getting myself into, and to 100% honest with you, I couldn't be more excited.
I feel like since I started writing on this again that it has become kind of a pity party and mostly self-deprecating. This is really the first time that I have been totally and completely honest about how I feel about what's going on in my life and how I am going(trying) to take the steps that I feel will correct the problems that I see. I am trying to describe to you(and at times myself) where I am coming from and where I am going(which at this stage I have no clue) with my life.
Hopefully in the next 126 days I change both physically and mentally, hopefully on August 29th I cross the finish line in Chicago, and then really begin living my life the way I will have attacked this challenge: With confidence, purpose, and a never say die attitude. That may have been one of the cheesiest sentences that I have ever written, but I am sorry, it's true.